(From Denna)
The voice of passerby,
The sound of vehicle running across,
The singing of another advertisement,
Without much realization, we came all across that things
Funny to think that much things happened all in one place of our daily life. All they ever need is time and dimension, to make that come true.
But of course, time is moving. Too fast, that I can't even count how many memories that I have passed.
Railroads passed, the changes of people, the unfounded pain left by, forgotten memories, any things that may have not realized even until now. Was buried together with time.
But One thing for sure, I came up with a very late realization, And also one of my lifelong regret.
One unique thing about human, they tend to remember one of their memories that was full of emotions, in a random time possible, as long as there is a time and a trigger.
Just like me today.
I was listening to one of my favourite classical music, Gymnopedie. It was so calm, that my brain start to wonder everywhere. That's when I remember I used to play a piano when I was still quite small. That electric piano is actually a gift from my father because I ranked first in my past school. And that's also the start of my interest in piano and classical music.
One time, I was playing Fur Elise, and my mom sneakily took a photo of me. Even when I said that the sound of camera is distracting me from playing.
Not too long after that, my grandmother requested to print that picture of me, playing a piano, framed and displayed in their house, at my hometown far away from my city. That was embarrassing for me to think, that the silly small me would be displayed, stand out from other old photos around it.
When I think about it, maybe it's around 2010? Yeah, that was a long time. They keep it for years, in their house. Until 3 years ago.
2016 is the year my grandparents that love me dearly, passed away. And yet, I still feel the tears, the suffocation, even the people who came by, just like yesterday. When I come back to the hometown to see off my grandfather who just passed away, months after my late grandmother, I saw it.
The photo of me, silly small embarrassing kid wearing a Hawaiian shirt, playing Fur Elise with our electric piano at home.
I was startled. They displayed my photograph, for at least 6 years long? The frame was a bit dusty and the prints started yellowing. But otherwise, everything still looks good.
They were alone together in that house. When I was busy doing school things back then in my city, they lived their life alone, in a quite silent hometown. There were big chances that they looked at my photograph for so long, a photograph that is placed in a living room near a TV they used to watch everyday.
It was all the memories I remember today. And now, I realized a thing,
Why ... did not I do that?
Why?
If only.........
If only, when they are not too sick back then, I play for them a song.
If only, if only I could, play them one song. Their favorite one especially.
One song is enough. I would skillfully play that song, even the unnoticed left hand part. Or if I am busy, I could even play only the right hand part for them, as long as they can hear me play.
Am I too dumb? I was too late to realize, aren't I?
Doesn't this makes an event of realization of regret?
Am I wasting my youth,
my time,
my chance,
all this time?
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I myself is not sure, all I know that this realization of regret puts me in a cry. A silent cry that even this soft Gynmopedie song echoes inside my room. Together with the sound of water dripping inside my bathroom.
Even now, my photograph is still being displayed in my grandparents' empty house. I don't really know why.
But one thing I am sure, I would never be bothered by that photograph again.
Never.
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